Sunday, 7 May 2017

Work Party's

How many of us attend the above? Come on seriously how many of you get out of bed at the weekend to help get the river looking good for the start of the new season?  Today we had the grand total of three. Yeah fucking three members gave up some time to do a little pruning, cut back branches etc so the lazy wankers would not moan about poor access.

Last season one member requested a refund as in his words " The banks are so overgrown they are a disgrace". This from a club member who has never attended a work party in his life. It really pisses me off that anglers moan, but offer up fuck all help.

Me, well over grown is good. It offers better opportunities for stalking, for those of us who like to roam. If you as an angler don't want nasty stinging nettles, or god forbid brambles, then fuck off to a little hole in the ground. Sit on your latest five hundred pound seat box and pull out Carp that look like they have been raped by Freddie Kruger.

We did Gruff and I, plus Ivan Mark's love child  spot some very nice Chub. I got in and managed to retrieve some badly cast lures from last winter. We did a good mornings work and had a laugh.  






Bit of a rant, well then yes. What ever club you belong to, do not moan and groan if you expect every thing to look peachy. But leave it to others! Wankers!

On a well known Pike angling forum, the subject of various forms of art has raised its head. Some like modern art. My favourite is Van Gogh and a copy of "Boots" hangs in our front room. It reminds me of my old man when he used to come home from Smithfield Meat Market and leave his boots in the porch. I like Van Gogh's work  in what is known as his Brown Period, thanks Lumby ;-0. But also with the copy that hangs at home, I look upon it and wonder who wore them and what story their life was. Hey it's not all swearing here you know!



Lastly S***s, have that you fuckers!


Be Lucky

Monty D

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Oi Love

"Fancy taking a trip away from Sandbanks me old treacle?"

"Where to this time, you money grabbing, bung taking wrong'un?"

"Errr, well Buurmingham love, yow know Kippa Tie, Bull Ring, Moxy et al"

"Hahh maccch"

"A good screw, trust me a good screw"

"Oh go on then, small pleasures, small treasures that's 'ow the story goes"


Who's this being hawked around the managerial play ground?






Yep, classy as ever.

I'd do anything, for a pannd note anything....


You could not make it up. I'll get back to fishing soon, but fishing always is sooo boring as a blog. To me it is anyway.


Be Lucky

Monty D

Saturday, 15 April 2017

Spanish Road Trip

I've been more or less offline recently owing to my old lap top giving up the ghost after seven long years of service. Mainly keeping abreast with the online world via my phone, until today when a new machine was purchased in the Easter sales.

This little tale came into the Yat phone recently............

So out of the goodness of your heart, you decide to take two friends to your property in Spain for a week, to fish for Barbel and Black Bass.You land safely and make your way to the hire car, now the hire car was backed up tight to a wall. The angelic property owner and Spanish fishing guru jumped in and moved the car forward so his two friends could load the luggage into the boot. Job done and he asked "Are we all loaded and good to go?" "Yep lets go".

Two hundred miles later, they arrive at their destination .On unloading the car a slight problem, only two suitcases. The other was no where to be seen."Where is my fooking case?" Two friends and I use the term loosely looked at each other in shock. The main mans case was left back at Madrid airport! Luckily a spare set of keys is left in a local bar, so the guests could get in.

The main man then drives 200 miles back to Madrid airport, fuming as his passport, cash, other set of keys are in his case. Alas the case is gone(belly laugh when I was told), so our chum spent the night on a bench outside lost property. Now lost property opened at 0700 Hrs, the shutter went up and the Spaniard was on it like a shot. Thankfully he got everything back, he then drives 200 miles back the other way. After having about 30 minutes sleep in the past 24 hours, then the two thick fookers who are guests wanted to go fishing. I would have thrown the pair in the fooking river!




I wonder who it could have been?

Be Lucky

Monty D

Saturday, 11 March 2017

Pay The River Man

I'm not sure about you, but I do not measure my life in birthdays, or the calendar year. For me it's always been that nine month stretch. One minute it's opening day, you blink and it's over.

Six hours today in seemingly ideal conditions, resulted in a blank. No follows, no signs of fish. Three miles or so of river travelled, back and forth  and nowt. Why, well if I knew the answer to that I'd have a Youtube channel preaching to the masses. Flogging lures, line and christ knows what else, sitting in a Yoda like stance and making a mint.

But overall it's been a cracking season. Some good fish have hit the net, had some right laughs afloat with Gruff. Fuck me, every time we went out the weather was jank. An long may it continue, the laughter and general piss taking among a group of mates. No pretensions of being a superstar. It's a hobby to most of us, not an outlet for an ego and a lifestyle choice, rod in your mouth photo anyone?

The old boy is looking a little tired as of now, he could do with a break. Time to breath, talk in the ancient Entish language, without the likes of me, ripping off his branches while retrieving badly cast lures and fuck me I'm gold standard at that discipline.





So I packed up and came home, fishless but unbowed.


But as always at the end of my angling season I paid the river man. I'm sure it's not only me who does this. You owe him, for all the enjoyment over the last nine months. You throw your pound coin in, salute your adversary. I've tried to love canals and lakes, really have. But my heart belongs to flowing water, I'm lucky in that I seldom see a soul when out and long shall that remain.


Be Lucky

Monty D

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Tackle Tart? Moi?

This little beauty arrived far, far quicker than expected. So it will get an outing this Saturday, for a few hours before we hopefully bury Scotland in the Rugby, more to life than fishing especially when the slam is on again. Against a resurgent Scottish side, should be a corker and hammering that lot would be superb.

6' 3", one peice, casting weight of between a quarter of an ounce and half an ounce. It's been a many a year since I worried about those weights, but you have to grow up one day. It was in a sale from these guys here.

https://japanlureshop.com/megabass-tomahawk-gta-f2-1-2-61gta-2036.html

It looks like I got the last one in stock. Did I need yet another rod, well no. But like others I've not got young children, a large mortgage etc. Denise and I both work, what she spends on 'effing shoes could keep me in rods for life. It's a constant stream of deliveries that makes the late Imelda Marcos seem thrifty.

Only downside was the import duty, the robbing bastards. Just shy of £75.00! A proper piss take, though I've seen a rather tarty reel, that has drawn my attention to sit upon this in the near future.The import duty on that has the potential to really sting.



Have a look here.

http://www.barbel.co.uk/site/vbulletin/forum/barbel-talk/13295-close-season.html

The  river season still has a few days left in it. But the zealots have well and truly jumped the gun this time! I know it's one of Bob Roberts favourite bug bares, every time this topic raises it's ugly head. But Christ alive, this lot are a law unto themselves. You will need to drag and drop on the links, if you're so inclined.


Be Lucky


Monty D

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

A Face Made For Radio ?

No not mine that will come at the end of the blog. A few of us have been out the last few weeks, with the intention of just having fun. Do you remember that? No targets, no aims or objectives just to have a laugh and bank a few fish. Fish how you want kind of stuff, you get older and  waking up at 0430 for work during the week the last thing many of us need is goals to achieve on your day off. Ok I'm lying, if I don't get a least one Perch this season over four pounds, then I'm a proper wanker. So we have been Jack bashing with small cranks.



Do not however, invite this man over to join you. Let's call him Karl, he is the LAS magazine art director. But he has a passion for JDM gear, now I like my tackle with bespoke rods built over the years from Lumby, Barder, Marty at Wye Valley ect,ect. We fished together last weekend, the wind put paid to our Perch fishing and those tiny plucks. You're supposed to throw your lures in the wet stuff, not have it blown back behind you. So we had good sport with Jacks and it was a giggle, raker rash and airborne tail walking. Karl had two set up's with him a nice Megabass cranking stick and a very nice Evergreen model. Mmmm, it's been on my mind since Saturday after using his cranking stick. Last night I pulled the trigger and ordered a Megabass Tomahawk from Japan, a little naughty I guess? But why not, I don't piss it all up the wall as in years gone bye. You only live once etc, so yeah do it. A proper bad influence is the man.








Here be the face for radio. My angling hero, Mr Gruff down on Chew the other week, move over Matt and Mick your time is up. Step forward the Shoreman and Gruff the care homes heartthrobs.



Good luck on the Broads this week though treacle.


Be Lucky

Monty D

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

Campylobacteriosis

Trust me you do not want this little bastard, Campylobacteriosis. Around the sixth of December I had a bad case of the shits for around five days, real the world falling out of your arse kind of stuff. One minute I was fine, then the shivers started so I went to bed. Come midnight was the start of five days of making sweet love to my shit house then it went. Hooray, just as well as Denise and I went away for three nights the weekend prior to Christmas.

We came back and so did the shits, but worse this time. Full on stomach cramps, shitting blood, real dark blood too. That was not mentioned to Denise at the time as it would have meant a trip to A&E. I phoned the local Doctors and no appointments were  available, but they could give me a telephone consultation. That done a stool sample was required. If you have never scooped a stool sample, into a stool pot from the comfort of your own privy, well you have not lived. It's akin to juggling in a gimp suit.

To cut a long story short, my results arrived back last week owing to the Christmas holidays. And the result were the above. I've lost over a stone in weight, but feel much, much better now. The cause? Well maybe from food? Or maybe from infected water? It made me think, when fishing and before having a snack, use the bloody antibacterial hand gel that is in the rucksack in future. It scared the life out of me at one stage, using Google to research your symptoms while awaiting your results can lead to a mind fuck. Don't do that, ever!


Managed a couple of very short trips on the bank, that left me feeling shattered after a couple of hours. Plenty of Pike fun on medium sized crankbaits, to keep the rod bending. Saturday week Gruff and I are off to Grafham reservoir for the day, let's hope the fishing picks up, as its fishing rock hard at present we are told. Fingers crossed.





This came into the Yat phone the other day, how true is this? The world and his brother seem to stride the river, canals and lakes at present like an extra from Tron! You need to be of a certain age to remember that out and out gem. Still shits on the latest Star Wars franchise, in my ever so humble opinion. Some good Youtube channels and Paul Bosworth's still leads the way for me. He can laugh at himself and to me that is what fishing should be, a piss take, a laugh. Catch a few, loose a few but just go and do it.




As you were.

Be Lucky

Monty D